It had been a long time coming. She had Lung cancer and NonHodgkin's Lymphoma, and COPD and...
I got to fly in and say goodbye to her.
I also said goodbye to any hopes of a nurturing, normal family.
I have operated under the delusion that people want to change. Some don't. My parents don't. Didn't.
I realized this when my father started a fight with me as I was trying to say good-bye to my mother on the last day I would ever see her alive.
He will never change. He will be judgmental and mean and abusive until the day he dies and I'm done.
An emotionally abusive family situation is not made of one or two instances of being mean, or over reacting. It is NOT being a tough disciplinarian. What it IS, is a pattern, over time, of demeaning behavior, name calling, put downs, humiliation and teasing. It is failing to respect another’s opinions as valid, refusing to stop the behavior when asked. It is telling the person being abused that they are too sensitive, or “can’t take a joke.”
It is refusing to apologize for mistakes. It is holding grudges for some thing contrived in their minds. It is never forgiving a mistake and constantly pointing out another’s shortcomings. It is not caring how the person being abused feels, or discounting their emotions completely. It is constantly putting others down to build themselves up.
So although I am grateful to all of the people who have expressed their condolances, I would like to take this opportunity to use my experience to prevent others from being stuck in an emotionally abusive situation.
If you are an adult child of emotionally abusive parents please read this: