The Doctor Diva is NOT a diva in the usual sense. She is funny, down to earth, and practical. The blog uses life stories, rants, musings, and examples, with some weird tangents, to get the point across. Come for the ride. Stay for the party.
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Quiche. Don't Do It OR How NOT To Make Quiche
How NOT to
I admit it. I
occasionally have Delusions of Grandeur. My latest delusion was that I could just whip up a
quick bacon and asparagus quiche. I thought to myself, "What a wonderful,
quick dish to put together for my family."
spring asparagus in the produce section of my local grocery store. It was
pencil thin and gorgeous. None of this would have happened if I hadn’t seen that green goddess of temptation. That asparagus was
singing it's siren's song to me. Tall, thin and green, it was a reminder of the
spring we had not yet seen in Chicago. I’ll
admit it. I lusted after that asparagus. Instead of passing it by, I found
myself answering it's siren's song. I picked it up and placed it lovingly into
my cart, protecting it from harm.
I thought to
myself, "Why should I make this hard on myself?" I bought pre-made
refrigerated dough, smiling at my smart time saving decision.
I wanted my
beautiful asparagus to be cradled in the lap of a luxuriant custard. I grabbed
some light whipping cream, deluding myself by thinking, "At least it's not
all of my ingredients after I got home, remembering to leave the pie dough out
at room temperature. In the past, I had always forgotten to do this and was
very proud of myself for remembering this time without reading the package. I
whipped out the bacon from the refrigerator, and began the process of slowly
cooking it in my cast-iron skillet, the way my mother had taught me. While it
was cooking, I thinly sliced up a shallot, and cut my asparagus into 1 inch
pieces, throwing away the hard ends into my compost bucket.
I needed the
formula for the custard so I consulted the great international brain. That was
my first mistake. The recipe I found said to put heavy aluminum foil over the
piecrust in the pie pans and cook it at 450°F
for eight minutes, then to remove the heavy aluminum foil and cook it for five
more minutes. They specified not piercing the pie crust with a fork. I followed
foil pulled off a fair amount of piecrust with it. But still, I was not
daunted. It was okay if it wasn't perfect. I pulled out the finished piecrust
from the oven. One was in a glass pie pan and the other in a flimsy aluminum
pie pan. As I removed the flimsy pie pan, it twisted and bent, spilling hot pie
crust all over the chair next to my kitchen table. I cursed and lamented
loudly, until my teenaged son came into the kitchen asking, "Ok, what did
I do THIS time?"
I pulled it
together and remembered that I had a pie crust mix from an apple orchard we
frequent in the fall. This was becoming way more of a project than I had
anticipated, but I was determined to please the asparagus gods. I read the instructions for the crust.
CRAP! All of my butter was frozen! Still, I thought, "I can do this. I
mean, how hard is it to make piecrust?"
away the frozen butter into the flour mixture and almost broke the blades of my
pastry cutter cutting the butter into the flour. I remembered if that you put too much water into the dough,
it makes gluten, and therefore, rock hard crust. I had heard an editor from
Cook's Illustrated on NPR, pontificating that vodka worked to moisten pie dough
because vodka did not form gluten with flour. I thought this would be a neat
time to try this out.
not really cause pie dough to come together very well. Just Sayin'. I ended up
adding 3 tablespoons of cold water.
remembered reading somewhere that if you added dried kidney beans on top of the
crust, it keeps it from bubbling up. So...I did. But without a barrier between
the pie crust and the beans.
picked out the hot beans from the now mushy, torn up crust, I decided to just
patch it up and use it anyway. At this point, I just wanted it over.
the grated smoky Gouda (this, BTW was a GREAT idea) onto the crust, added the
sautéed shallots and
asparagus, and liberally sprinkled it with bacon, poured the rosemary custard
mixture over the top, and baked it for 45 minutes at 375°F. I ended up with one quiche with store bought
crust, one with a less messy homemade crust, and one that looked horrible with
patched up crust.
thing took me three hours more than I had allotted for this project.
A few take
home points from this.
1.Buy extra pie crust.
more filling than you think you need.
Teenagers love bacon and I had to fend them off.
you Make your own pie crust, DON'T use frozen butter. DO use vodka:water 50:50 to wet it. The
crust was flaky and wonderful
put dried kidney beans on your crust.
flimsy aluminum pie plates on a cookie sheet
so you don't spill dough all over the floor.
anyone knows how to precook dough without it bubbling up or sticking to the
aluminum foil, I would love to know.
IMPORTANT, Asparagus is dangerous. It's like the siren's song of spring. Lash
yourself to the shopping cart and keep on moving, or you'll end up like I did,
sweating over piecrust in a delusional attempt to make quiche.
The bottom is refrigerator dough. The top obscured one...It wasn't pretty but it tasted good.