Thursday, October 2, 2014

Broken Toes and Mondays Always Get Me Down

OR:  Do As I Say, Not As I Do

My son has inherited the slob gene (and jeans). He undresses and leaves shoes, socks, underwear (seriously? dude!) and clothing, books, bookbags, dropped wrappers, plates, utensils... all over the house.

I like to walk barefoot in my own house despite my klutzy tendencies.

This is a recipe for DISASTER.

One of the things we tell our older patients is to make sure that the pathways in the house are clear of detritus, scatter rugs, books, etc. and are well lit to prevent falls and accidents.

While running around preparing for a plane trip while barefoot, sans eyeglasses, with no lights turned on:

I whacked my little toe up against my son's perfectly mis-placed shoe.

I know what you're thinking."So What? It's just a shoe!"

Okay. Picture this. Said shoe is pushed up against a basket meant for clutter, across from the closet meant for shoes and coats, and sticking out in the pathway from living room to dining room, meant for walking through.
I hit said shoe at just the correct angle with my baby toe so that the shoe got shoved up against the immovable basket.

I heard a snap.
I assumed it was the basket.
I screamed.
I waited for the pain to stop.
It didn't stop.

The snap wasn't the basket.

Then 3 days later, I broke it AGAIN against the kitchen table leg.  It bent out at a weird angle and I had to put it back in place. I, stupidly, was barefoot and uncaffeinated at the time.

(I'll wait for you to stop cringing and open your eyes again.)

When you limp, it messes up your body mechanics all the way up. My hips, knees, back, shoulders and neck are all hurting.

SOOOoooo....4 weeks have gone by and my toe is still in pain because I am a doctor and have to walk all over the hospital, from the parking lot 2 blocks away to my office, etc. and it was not getting better. In fact, it was getting worse. Every night it would be swollen and purple and painful when I took off my sneakers. (I wore sneakers hoping they would be good enough to let it heal) (They weren't)

I am now wearing a walking boot to fully immobilize the darn toe. I feel like Frankenstein, except that I don't have the cool neck electrodes, flat head and scar on my forehead.
My toe, however, feels better.

I wrote this on a Monday, hence the title.

  • So, don't let your kids clutter up the floor
  • Wear your glasses while you stumble around in the mornings.
  • Put the coffee on the night before and drink some before attempting anything dangerous, like walking.
  • Put shoes or slippers on for goodness sake.
  • Turn the lights on before you walk around.

This has been your public service announcement for the week.

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