Tuesday, November 26, 2013

I Am Going to Dance In My Underwear And Eat Popcorn For Dinner!!

 What am I thankful for this Thanksgiving? I am thankful to be able to go to the bathroom for four and a half days without anybody else bothering me.

I swear that I have developed superpowers. I can never be in the bathroom without someone else  feeling the magnetic pull of my need to be alone----and then not letting me.

 It used to happen when the kids were little all the time.  I didn't really mind then. They were so cute and helpless and cuddly.

Now my children are pubescent, and much less cute and cuddly.  It matters not what I am doing in the bathroom. The moment I sit on the toilet, or get naked for a shower, someone will knock and without waiting for a reply, shove open the door exposing me in all my glory.

It's not that I'm ashamed of nudity. I have absolutely no problems with seeing or being seen naked. If I haven't seen it before, I point and ask questions. It's just that my children cannot enter the bathroom without pointing out my flaws. "Mom, you're fat." "Mom why do you have all that pubic hair?"  "Mom… your thighs hang over the toilet seat."

I am well aware of my imperfections. I don't need a an obnoxious 13 or 15-year-old to point them out. Unfortunately our bathroom door lock hasn't worked for years.  The thought has crossed my mind that I should buy a hook and eye and put it on the inside of the bathroom door to keep out intruders. The problem is that is I think of it, get busy, and forget.

 I've tried to set a good example by knocking first, waiting for a reply, and most of the time not barging in once they've asked me not to.


My family is leaving me behind for the Thanksgiving weekend because I'm on call. They're off to visit relatives in a faraway state. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm going to be okay being alone. Are they freaking kidding me? Seriously?

Being alone is a luxury!  I will enjoy a terrific Thanksgiving meal with my multicultural brother in law and his fabulous wife and kids. Friday I plan to quilt and work on projects that I have not had time to work on because I'm always doing stuff for other other people . I can eat popcorn for dinner. Or just not eat dinner. Or eat ice cream for dinner. I don't have to worry about anybody else but myself  (and Esther, aka Crime dawg).   I can walk around naked in the house (okay, It's too freaking cold to do that, but you get my drift).

 I don't have to rush anybody off to anything or attend any meetings or concerts. Granted I am on call for the weekend but that won't take up my whole day. I plan on making a turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes for when my family gets home so they'll have leftovers to feast upon for a week and make turkey sandwiches with. But that will be enjoyable because I love Thanksgiving food.

So, What am I thankful for this Thanksgiving? I am thankful to be able to go to the bathroom for four and a half days without anybody else bothering me. Happy Thanksgiving!!

video credit:  http://persephonemagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/friends-monica-turkey.gif

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